Subtle Hint

This goes out to the guys.

I've had primarily male friends the majority of my life, so I'm assuming at least one of you Assholes reads me.

Men lack subtly, like me.

Men's inability to read subtly is why I'm here, for my ladies, to club you Mother Effer's in the head, for them.

Listen Up Boys...
It's a fact. You like us ladies. You have too. We're softer than you, and, despite all your hardness, You Like Soft.

Keep Us Ladies Happy by doing ONE THING...

TAKE YOUR LADIES OUT
It doesn't matter where you go or what you do (well, some of you I worry extra hard about here), but get them the fuck out!

AND, NO, the Home Depot is not OUT.

Look, you knuckle heads, ladies need the same things a flower needs, (we're fucking delicate) a little sunlight and fresh air.

Take your gal OUT, on trip to the grocery store to pick fabulous food items for  YOU TO COOK, for her. Ladies like parks, and walks, and dinner, and museums, and getting the fuck out of the house.

Can I be anymore clear?

I don't know,

Sometimes you need to be clubbed over the head.
Men are not the best with subtly.

I'm gonna wrap this up now, because I also know, you dudes can't be expected to pay attention to "chick shit" for too long either!
HA! I love my boys!!

Dark Overlord

ssshhhh....
I didn't want to have to do this, BUT
If you are receiving this, it is likely already too late...
The Dark overlords have taken over.


Open YOUR EYES people!!
examples are everywhere...

You've seen it... I know it...

They make us pay astronomical prices to "adopt" their foot soldiers.
I have tried to trace the money, but it is moved too quickly, and it is a NEVER Ending supply. They just send out an entire new crew of soldiers to be "adopted" again! They just keep coming!!!

They then work to wear you down and make you divulge your secrets. You are put in a room and forced to fill out miles and miles of paperwork. If the paperwork does not lull you into submission, they WILL send out an inspector.

The inspector comes to your home to verify you will be a "good fit". This is what they will say. What They ARE doing is surveying your home as a possible landing zone. A jumping off point for the rest of their mission.

Once they infiltrate our homes the indoctrination program begins.

They slowly teach you how to care and house them, and you'll be willing. Then, before you know it, BAM!!! They will have you trained!

I know this sounds crazy, but they will actually have you follow them around town (as they continue to survey and observe) picking up their poop!!! I know, crazy!!

I've seen it done!!

You will be forced to pick up their poo AND THEN, they will MAKE YOU wrap it!!

They don't stop there, the entire time you will think you are doing it for you!!!

They are good.

I am here to warn you...

.....
.....
......Hello? Is somebody there?
....AAAHHHHHH!!!!!....

Help me D.OH.G one you're my only hope...

Milburn

I love my kiddo's and enjoy telling them stories. It's a good thing since they're pretty insistent.

So this may come off as self gratuitous, if you feel that, I'm sorry. I just love this little guy and I want him to be known.

I do have a children's book published.
Sounds fancy, OOHHH... AAAAhhhh.... fan fair...
Not really.
I will likely never make any money from it.
The market is over saturated, Hollywood has taken over the world with ghost writers to ensure they keep their fame going even in writing (seriously, snooki has a "book"?), I don't know or do beans about marketing, and maybe the story is boring?...
I don't know why, and I don't care anymore.

I don't care because, no matter what, I still love my guy Milburn...

Milburn is an old English name.
The Macaroni penguin was named by English sailors in the 18th century.

These sailors spotted the penguins and decided they looked like maccaroni.
That IS maccaroni, and it doesn't stand for the pasta.
You see, these English sailors thought, "he's so fancy, you already know", that they wanted to name him after a song!
No, not that song...
They actually equated this level of fancy to their day's metrosexuals!
Let me explain better,
The song Yankee Doodle is about these so fancy guys, too!
"...stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni."

This line refers to the American soldier's being so fashion challenged, they would actually make this tiny gesture of sticking a mere a feather in their cap and then dare call themselves as high fashion as the young, rich, aristocratic, Englishmen of the time, the maccoronis. Those damn Yankees!

Not to be outdone by these Englishmen though, Milburn has his own sense of fashion and daringly wears his bright red scarf to all penguin functions.

Milburn is frightful. He's got a lot on his mind. Wouldn't you be if you were near extinction?

He's a kid. He wanders off and he forgets to eat. KIDS!!

His mind is filled with the scary things that are natural to his environment. They're all part of a delicate chain and they're all becoming endangered. How's that for scary.

Milburn's favorite meal is krill. The Macaroni Penguin's favorite meal is krill, at least until they get a sushi bar, I'm sure.

Milburn's mommy loves him. The Macaroni Penguin lives in a tight family.

SO here is my little fella...
Milburn the Macaroni Penguin is my sweet little fancy pants.
I'm his mommy too, and I love him.

I also love Dax my Bedraggled Donkey and my The Little One... Maybe one day they'll get out there?
Maybe one day my kiddo's will do something about them... they are becoming quite the artist's and I do need illustrators...

Maybe I'm being too self gratuitous again.

or Maybe not.

OR
Maybe they will only be known by my kiddo's, because I'm their mommy and I love them too and I really love to tell them stories.

Home On The Range

Home, home on the range...

... Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the sky is not cloudy all day...

Ahh, the open air, the freedom of solitude out on the range.

When my little one was new to the talking game, I tried out a joke with her, she would deliver my punchline.

"Honey, how much cents do you have?" I would ask
"No sense at all," she would respond.

She could have been a fantastic party trick for me!
The husband cut me off.  He wouldn't let me use the kiddo as a punchline. So annoying!
Actually, thank god he was there.
I've been there for him too.
We're a team.

Raising kids makes rustling cows look easy, not to mention the smell!

There is no solitude in raising kids.

I hitched my wagon to a good cowboy.

Some people hitch their wagons wrong.
They "get hitched" to dogs, chickens, or bulls, or worst yet, a jackass.

This is not only sad, it makes no sense?

You're gonna be home on that range for a long time, why would you choose to be there with a lame duck?

 Choose a good parent.
"Choose a good daddy."
This is my new punchline to my kiddo's life.

Me -"How will you know he's a good man to marry?"
Kiddo's - "Choose a good daddy!"

A good daddy will want to be a good husband to keep his little home on the range not cloudy all day.
It just makes cents.