Okay, so I fucking love this Vietnamese sauce.
It is fantastic.
The thing is, every time I go to order it, I also try to pronounce it, but I do it in a way that makes sure they know I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
Well anyway,
Nobody. I MEAN NOBODY ever says the name back to me loudly or proudly! A lot of servers to chef's just look at me like, "what the fuck are you talking about?" but never say "Oh, you mean NUOC MAM CHAM" and like totally make their mouths say the words.
What the fuck?
Does nobody know how to say this fucking word?
Now I gotta go around asking the world.
How the fuck do you say, "nuoc mam cham."
**btw I keep that shit stored in my fridge most days!**
Somedays I comb my hair!
Thursday
Tuesday
Hill and Teller
I grew up with some criminals, thieves.
Not necessarily masterminds, but criminals none-the-less.
Criminals are fun because they do magic!
They make stuff happen that normally would not or could not.
Example;
A thief does not have any money, but some how buys whatever they want.
A magician does not have anything in their hat, but some how pulls a bunny out!
A thief does not have any money, but somehow your cash is gone.
A magician has nothing up his sleeve, but your watch!
I tried being a thief. I was terrible. I had no sleight of hand.
I stole makeup when I was 8. I was caught. It was humiliating. I QUIT that career!
Sleight of hand is real handy for magic, but not necessary.
Sleight of hand as a thief, mandatory.
SOMEBODY uses slight of hand who is A MASTERMIND.
She is not a magician.
She does make shit magically disappear.
She delivers with magic!
Not really.
Not at all!
She delivers with sleight of hand and is a fucking criminal mastermind.
She is YOUR Secretary of State and do you see what she is doing now?
She's at it again.
The emails? What emails. Oh these?
What about the other one behind your back?
Those? What? That's nothing, really.
REALLY, it's fucking nothing! Now look away.
Shiny object pointed to misdirect.
And we're gone.
Poof.
Magic.
*This blog post and any files transmitted with it are confidential (shhh) and intended solely for the use of the individual, politician, assassin, guy at the mall or entity (like, totally ANY COUNTRY) to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error (you know like if Putin got Merkels or something) please notify the system manager (me, I'll fix it). This message contains confidential information and intended only for the individual named. I MEAN IT! If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this email. I mean seriously how many times or ways do I have to say it?
Clinton Scandal, If it hasn't dissappeared already
Not necessarily masterminds, but criminals none-the-less.
Criminals are fun because they do magic!
They make stuff happen that normally would not or could not.
Example;
A thief does not have any money, but some how buys whatever they want.
A magician does not have anything in their hat, but some how pulls a bunny out!
A thief does not have any money, but somehow your cash is gone.
A magician has nothing up his sleeve, but your watch!
I tried being a thief. I was terrible. I had no sleight of hand.
I stole makeup when I was 8. I was caught. It was humiliating. I QUIT that career!
Sleight of hand is real handy for magic, but not necessary.
Sleight of hand as a thief, mandatory.
SOMEBODY uses slight of hand who is A MASTERMIND.
She is not a magician.
She does make shit magically disappear.
She delivers with magic!
Not really.
Not at all!
She delivers with sleight of hand and is a fucking criminal mastermind.
She is YOUR Secretary of State and do you see what she is doing now?
She's at it again.
The emails? What emails. Oh these?
What about the other one behind your back?
Those? What? That's nothing, really.
REALLY, it's fucking nothing! Now look away.
Shiny object pointed to misdirect.
And we're gone.
Poof.
Magic.
*This blog post and any files transmitted with it are confidential (shhh) and intended solely for the use of the individual, politician, assassin, guy at the mall or entity (like, totally ANY COUNTRY) to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error (you know like if Putin got Merkels or something) please notify the system manager (me, I'll fix it). This message contains confidential information and intended only for the individual named. I MEAN IT! If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this email. I mean seriously how many times or ways do I have to say it?
Clinton Scandal, If it hasn't dissappeared already
Monday
Put Your Panties On America
I hate to fan the xenophobic flame that burns so brightly in America, but as it turns out, We are a bunch of pussies in the drinking department. You, know, compared to OVER THERE.
They have their shit together. They hold their liquor. They aren't a bunch of overloaded, spazed out, belligerent fucks. They keep that shit locked down.
Okay, maybe they're not that perfect, but drinking is part of their culture, and they accept it. They drink. They ALL FUCKING DRINK. It is no big deal AT ALL.
Because they all drink, they know how to keep it together, function with it.
I know. You're the one person on Earth that doesn't have a vice and theirs is too much! Whatever, we all have vices. If you don't enjoy or acknowledge your vice it will likely become your addiction. Good luck with that.
Now, I know it's not entirely possible OVER HERE.
The reasons being public transportation sucks balls in this country.
I know, the Government, has let you down again. But, I'll get back to that later.
People need to acknowledge they like to drink sometimes.
It's not a big fucking deal.
If IT Is, it's NOT the booze.
If you take THAT PERSON's booze, they'll find something else.
I wish we'd get it together.
If we started walking, riding bikes, using cabs, demanded public transportation, used the roads cohesively, became better educated drivers, we could all just chill the fuck out
and
have a drink.
TADA...
You know, it's the old it's not US it's You,
from THEM.
“GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems”
They have their shit together. They hold their liquor. They aren't a bunch of overloaded, spazed out, belligerent fucks. They keep that shit locked down.
Okay, maybe they're not that perfect, but drinking is part of their culture, and they accept it. They drink. They ALL FUCKING DRINK. It is no big deal AT ALL.
Because they all drink, they know how to keep it together, function with it.
I know. You're the one person on Earth that doesn't have a vice and theirs is too much! Whatever, we all have vices. If you don't enjoy or acknowledge your vice it will likely become your addiction. Good luck with that.
Now, I know it's not entirely possible OVER HERE.
The reasons being public transportation sucks balls in this country.
I know, the Government, has let you down again. But, I'll get back to that later.
People need to acknowledge they like to drink sometimes.
It's not a big fucking deal.
If IT Is, it's NOT the booze.
If you take THAT PERSON's booze, they'll find something else.
I wish we'd get it together.
If we started walking, riding bikes, using cabs, demanded public transportation, used the roads cohesively, became better educated drivers, we could all just chill the fuck out
and
have a drink.
TADA...
You know, it's the old it's not US it's You,
from THEM.
“GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems”
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